So, You Want a New Job? Here Are Five Absolutely Brilliant Job Search Mistakes to Make Sure You Don't Get One

Hey, you've finally had enough of your job? Excellent. You've spent the last six months complaining to your partner, your mates and anyone else unfortunate enough to sit near you about how you're underpaid, overlooked and bored out of your skull, so you've finally decided to do something about it. Don't worry, I've got you covered. Follow these five simple steps and you can be absolutely certain that you'll still be sitting at the same desk six months from now wondering why nobody wants to employ you.

YOUR CV IS PERFECT!

Yes, it is. Don't touch it. Why would you? You've been using the same CV since 2018 and, despite the fact that you've changed jobs twice, been promoted, taken on another department and somehow ended up managing 20 people, there's absolutely no reason to update the thing. It says you're “hardworking”, “reliable” and “a great team player”, so what else could an employer possibly want? Sure, you delivered a project worth £3m last year and saved the company £200k, but that's probably not important. They can ask you about it at interview. Assuming, of course, they invite you.

APPLY FOR EVERYTHING!

This is where the fun starts. Don't waste time worrying about whether you're actually suitable for the role. If the job title sounds vaguely familiar, get that application in. Marketing Manager? Apply. Operations Director? Apply. Head of Sales? You've sold something before, haven't you? Perfect. The advert says you need ten years' experience, a specific qualification and knowledge of the industry, but you've got eight years, a different qualification and once bought something from a company in that industry, so you're basically there. And don't forget the golden rule: the more applications you send, the more likely you are to get a job. That's definitely how it works. Probably.

KEEP THE SAME CV FOR EVERY JOB!

Obviously. Tailoring your CV would mean having to actually read the job advert and work out what the employer is looking for, and frankly you've got applications to send. Your CV already says you're “results-driven”, “commercially aware” and “an excellent communicator”, so simply upload it to another 47 vacancies and hope for the best. It doesn't matter that one is looking for a Project Manager, another is looking for a Sales Director and the third is looking for a Financial Controller. Your CV is versatile. It's got everything in it. Somewhere. Probably on page three.

IGNORE LINKEDIN!

You've got a profile, so that's enough. It doesn't matter that your photograph is from seven years ago, your headline says “Open to Work | Seeking New Opportunities” and your last post was congratulating someone on their new job in 2021. Recruiters definitely aren't looking at your profile. And if they are, they'll somehow work out that you're actually a highly experienced senior professional from a profile that tells them almost nothing about what you do. Don't worry about updating your About section either. Nobody reads that stuff. Except recruiters. But let's not worry about that.

KEEP APPLYING!

This is the really important one. If you've sent 20 applications and heard nothing, send another 20. If you've sent 50 and had two automated rejection emails, send another 50. If you've sent 100 and you're now beginning to wonder whether your email address has somehow been blacklisted by every employer in Britain, definitely don't stop and look at what you're doing. That would be far too sensible. Just keep going. Change nothing. Review nothing. Ask nobody. Blame the ATS, the economy, recruiters, LinkedIn, Brexit, AI or possibly the weather. Anything is preferable to considering that the way you're approaching your job search might actually need changing.

IN CONCLUSION

If you've made it this far, you may have noticed that we weren't exactly being serious. Because if you're applying for job after job and getting absolutely nowhere, doing more of exactly the same thing probably isn't the answer. Your CV might need changing. The jobs you're targeting might need changing. Your LinkedIn profile might need changing. Your approach to applications might need changing. And yes, sometimes you need someone to actually tell you that rather than politely telling you that everything looks “great”.

That's rather the problem with job hunting. Everyone wants reassurance. “Your CV looks good.” “Just keep applying.” “Something will come up.” Lovely. Except you're still unemployed.

So if you've been sending applications for weeks or months and nothing is happening, perhaps stop counting how many you've sent and start asking a much more useful question:

Why aren't they working?

Because application number 101 isn't automatically going to be the one.

Unless you've changed something.